Oh, Chariot!

A few days ago, I finally dropped off my car at a body shop in Ontario to repair the damaged door from my hit and run encounter. In need of a set of wheels to get around in the meantime, I called up Enterprise for a rental car. They picked me up and took me back to the agency in Pomona, where I filled out the paperwork to get a ride for 7-10 days. All good, right?

Hell No! I hate this car so much it's a shame.

I got a red Chevy Cobalt sedan. Don't let the name and appearance fool you. It may say Chevy, but I’m pretty sure it’s made by Tonka or Mattel. This car is so unstable and rickety it feels like a toy. I’m positive that if I got into a minor fender bender in this car, not only would it be totaled, but a brown paper bag would pop out of the steering wheel instead of an airbag.

It’s also a gas guzzler. I requested a small car so that fueling up wouldn’t be an issue, but it seems like every time I drive around the corner, I’m already down a quarter of a tank. And speaking of which, isn’t it customary that the agency give you a car with a full tank? The Cobalt STARTED at a quarter of a tank.

Isn’t it also customary that they spritz the car with some nice scents, like “new car smell,” to at least give you the illusion that you’re driving a vehicle that hasn’t been abused by a thousand other people before you. The Cobalt smells like cigarettes. I don't know who decided to hotbox with their Marlboros, but the car reeks of tobacco ash.

Another question: don’t they usually clean out the cars before giving them to you? Today I went Christmas shopping and, for the first time, looked into the backseat of the car. I was kinda floored by what I saw. In the back cupholder was a McDonald’s cup, filled with Sprite. The Sprite had been sitting in there for so long that it was leaking from the bottom. On the back seat was a barbecue dipping sauce. What the f**k! Did they hit up the drive-thru window right before giving me the car? I’m just thankful the barbecue container wasn’t opened, or that there were no Chicken McNuggets scattered around the trunk. Which leads me to...

The trunk on the Cobalt is a pain in the a**. I put my Christmas gifts inside the trunk at the mall (because for some reason, the backseat seemed like a bad idea). But when I got back to my place, the trunk wouldn’t open up. I spent almost ten minutes trying to put the key in and wiggle it around in random ways. I felt like the car was holding my stuff hostage. When it finally opened, I took my stuff out, closed the trunk, then tried it again to see if the stuck trunk was a one time thing... I still haven’t been able to get it open.

By no means do I hate Chevys. When Tom, Ari and I went on our road trip through Canada and the East Coast, we did the entire trip in an Impala. I drove 98% of the time and afterwards, I really felt like the Impala was a dope ride. But I can’t say the same about the Cobalt.

But then again, perhaps the fault lies not with Chevy, but with Enterprise. After all, I highly doubt that the soda, barbecue sauce and cigarette scent came from the factory.

Either way, I’d much rather have my Corolla.

PS – That reminds me, I found out that instead of being stuck with the rental car for 7-10 days, it’ll be more like 18 days thanks to holiday delays for ordered parts.

Eff My Life!


Currently in Rotation: Pop

Keane – “Is It Any Wonder”
Taken from the album Under the Iron Sea

Do The Right Thing

Several weeks ago, I woke up early in the morning, got dressed for work and left my apartment. I left at 4:30 am, so it was dark outside. When I got to my car, I pushed the button on my clicker to unlock the door and pulled the handle. For some reason, the door wouldn’t open.

I tried it again. Push the button, pull the handle. Once again, the door wouldn’t open.

It was then that I looked down and saw a giant dent in my car door. Evidently, some jackass hit my car in the middle of the night and damaged it bad enough that the door can’t open from the outside. And of course, the f**ker didn’t leave a note. No insurance info, no “sorry that I hit you,” not even a napkin with a fake phone number on it. I got the old hit and run; the hit and split; the smash and dash.









As you can imagine, this has made getting into my car a real pain. I’ve spent the last few weeks jumping through the window like the Dukes of Hazzard.






Okay, maybe that’s an exaggeration, but not by much.

Yesterday I visited my insurance company and they appraised the damage. They crunched a few numbers, estimated the damage and cut me a check to help get it fixed. Soon I’ll be searching for a good local body shop to replace the door and repaint several parts on the driver’s side.

When I spoke to the insurance guy, he gave me a shocking statistic. In the thirty years that he’s been in the business, he has filed over 75,000 claims. Of all the hit and runs he’s encountered, he says he could count on both hands the number of times that the dasher actually left a note behind.

It’s so weird to me. I know that if I ever hit someone, I would at least leave a phone number or something. But apparently I’m a total sucker for thinking that way. Nobody does the right thing.

I’m curious to know something. How many of you have been involved in a hit and run? Did the other person leave their contact information behind (or if you were at fault, did you leave your contact information behind?).


Currently In Rotation: Punk

AFI – Miss Murder